"smile tho your heart is aching."

as a lot of you may know, today was michael jackson's memorial. and what an experience it was to watch. i woke up at 7:45am, & from there on kept up to date with all the news & the set up to the memorial. the memorial had to be the most heartbreaking thing i've seen this year. when the opening began to mariah carey's remake of "i'll be there" had me in tears. & my heart was hurting. it reminded me of an old memory of mines. i have on tape, a video of me a few months old & i was in a crib & that song was playing on the stereo. i grew up to michael jackson, as well as millions of others. the memorial was beautiful & well organized that was put together in a little amount of days. seeing that video montage was just overwelming, heartbreaking & hearing his voice, the music & seeing him soo happy at the time just made you wanna cry & ask why. there was a lot of humor during the memorial when celebritys shared their memories of michael jackson. but then, sadness too. i love when the revern had to say to michael's 3 kids ...
"There was nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal with, but he dealt with it."

& ain't that the truth. am i right ! & that moved me sooo much because that was sooo powerful. usher's performance ... omg. seeing him in tears & him moving toward the casket was surreal for me. sooo saaaaad :/ omg. looking at michaels coffin, sitting just at the bottom of the stage .... was the toughest thing i seen in my life soo far. because , words can not explain . there are soo many more moments i can share with you & my feelings but the one that got me most was .. paris jackson, michaels daughter, what she had to say. watch here. now, wasn't that heartbreaking & devestating? she's sooo beautiful. & too see an innocent child, along with his 2 other kids, looose their father? wow. she was brave enough to speak to the world on behalf of her dad. idk, i can't express my feelings .... but my prayers are with the children, & the rest of the family.

i wish the last few years of michaels life could have been like this, everyone there for him, everyone paying their respect to him & everyone giving him this much attention. do you know how much he would have loved that ? but, he's gone ... & there's nothing we can do. but to hope we see him in heaven. no words can describe how hard this day has been for me.


video montage of michael shown at the memorial: