"i wish i can take a journey through your mind."

last night, i thought "it's official, i know how i feel about you now." because, i've been spending a lot of time with you these past couple of days. being around you just, brightens my day. there's no words to explain how i really feel about you. just know that, i know for a fact these feelings are getting deeper. i can't stop them. even though you let me down & hurt me, you still make me smile & laugh. can it all just be show ? they say you's a flirt, & all that. yeah, it bothers me. but, i don't seem to care. i really want that third chance. it's too late. i already blew my chance away. if i got that third chance, i know i wouldn't dissapoint you. your such a good person too. & how could i have been so stupid to brush you off like that. i didn't care that i hurt you. yeah, i know your thinking it's so long ago. but, it still bothers me. i still think of it, everyday. everytime i see your face, i remember all the pain i put you thruuuu. & everytime i see your face, i remember all the pain i went thruuu. they always say third times a charm. really now ? i want that third chance. but, your already over me. i know it's old.

lately, i've been torn between the two. there is someone else too. he came before the guy i was talking about up there. anyways, this one's my best guy friend. & i seriously love him to death. we been through alot. he's taught me so much. i tell him everything. i always seem to leave one thing out tho. & that is i'm in still deep like with him. it's tough, idk if he knows it's him but he knows there's another guy in my life that i'm dealing with. i talk about the other guy with him, but he's not realizing i still got a thing for him. & i have, all this time. do you know how hard that is ? since september now. & he told me to let go in october. that's a long time ago. & still, i haven't. there are times when i think i am. but, yeah. not happening ... even tho there's another guy i'm fighting for, he's still there. he's still to my side. i think i'm afraid to tell him wsap cause i don't wanna loose our friendship. & seriously, our friendship is strong. i seen him get hurt soo many times by girls. i know i'd never do that. i'm just not what he's looking for. i don't think he'll ever look at me like that cause we're too good of friends. & we're never gonna go beyond that. i always think why tho. & to this day, i still haven't answered that question. yeah, it's a tough situation on me, but what can i do? fight my emotions.

"I'd like to know what makes you cry
So I can be the one who always makes you smile."

todays horoscope:
"There are a ton of different emotions in your heart, but you need to feel them all.
Got your eye on someone -- or maybe a couple of someones? Whether it's an online-personals crush or a face-to-face infatuation, the stars say take some action. Luck's on your side now."

edit [5:05pm]

"when it was me"
-paula deanda.