Because.

Why do these things always happen to me? I can't spill my guts out like i did last night. You know, I thought things were getting better. They are, just a little. So, last week, tough week tho? Yeah, pretty much. Because, i lost something. But, who's to blame. I hear things about you a number of times. Some good, but some yet bad. And, the bad things. I can't help but to believe. That's a problem i have with myself. Is that, If i hear something more than once, I start to believe it. Cause, isn't it true? And yet, You always tell me to take your side. But, i can't. I did once though. But, you can't expect me to believe & give in to you just like that. Because, that's not how it works in my book.

It all got bad last Friday. Being ignored, I don't know if you ment to do it or not. I could just feel something was wrong. I was upset but, chillled out. Saturday, Yeah. I got the chance to talk to you. You said you were going to talk to me later. I waited for you all night. And, nothing happened. Sunday, Yeah. Not the best day ever. Cindy & I hate Question Marks. It's an insider thing, but yeah. Talking to me like that wasn't necessary. I could feel an argument about to break out, So. I just dropped it. Monday, wasn't good. Period.

i said: "Idk, Idc anymore."
you said: "You don't care about me anymore."

Stop putting words into my mouth. I hated how that you thought that i felt that. Because, I don't. I was talking about the situation, in general. On the way home from school that day, someone told me a little something which made me break. Cause, i'm tired of hearing it. Why though? Why don't you see me in that light? I don't understand. And then, someone else told me something. Never cared? Never cared? I was trying not to trip because the world talks. That night, myohmy. It was foreal goodbye? & he just decided to end everything.

"You'll get over it."

No, actually i won't. Tuesday, I couldn't help but cry at school. Cindy & i were both going through some tough sheit. But, both of us were being ignored. They don't think we have feelings too? But, we do. You just can't feel what we feel deep down inside.

I waited, waited & waited. But, every morning when i checked my phone. I got nada. & I know how Cindy feels though, cause she was going through the same thing. Things haven't got any better for her though. Speaking of today, :/ Yeah, Today's a hard day for her - She only knows though. It is hard to tell you what i felt through out the week. I was counting the days.

You will never know how i felt, unless you took a trip through my head & through my heart. But i know that'll never happen. I had different mood swings too. At times i was in that mood where i was just thinkin 'Make the best out of your life lauren, don't let that sheit bring you down. Smile!' Then, there were times i was in that 'depressed' mood.

"I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you
Tonight,
I'm alright
I'm just fine."

What the hell was Friday about anyways? You thought you were making sense, but really. You weren't ! I didn't comprehend. I don't care to explain because i know you wouldn't get it. I don't think this whole blog is making sense to you. Do you want to know why?

Because, you don't know wsup ! I can't explain all of this. I bet your asking yourself, "What the hell is this blog about!" You don't know because, your not me. & for those of you who do know, you will never know. Point blank ! Even if i took hours on this & typed every single DETAIL, you still wouldn't do it. A blog will never get you to fully understand.

You may be thinking, 'she is making a big deal outta this. It's really nothing.' Well, I'm sorry. But, to me it is a big deal. I have been nothing but nice to you. Nothing! I've never let you down, I've always been there for you. To help you, to guide you, to talk to. Never have i left like that. But, what do you do? Instead of talking it out like we always do. You end up leaving, with no reasoning. That's what kills me. You ended it & it seemed like, i was the bad friend. I really don't think i was? Ask yourself that, foreal now. I have never let you down like other people have. But, i do somewhat understand why you did what you did. I guess you were just tired of me getting hurt. It was because of my surroundings. The same process always goes like this: People talk, I hear it/I believe it, You get blamed for it. I just realized that Thursday night i believe. And, i wanted to hurt myself so badly cause, i know it must hurt for me to do that to you more than once because i have ! And, I'm so sorry for that. But, your expecting me to beleive you like that. And, honestly. I just can't. I don't know why but i just cannot this time. And, when i meant "I just got drowned in your lies." I wasn't just talking about last weekend, I'm talking about all of these months. I believed every single word that came out of your mouth. How you were always gonna be there for me, How you were always gonna have my back, How i should trust you at all times, & the one that kills me the most is that promise you made to me back in September. You swore not to break that promise of loosing you. And, what do you do? Yeah, exactly.

"You probably won't remember half the things i'll never forget."

Ima finish this later.
kdonebyenow.